Sunday, August 18, 2013

Smoking Helps You Lose Weight

After 3 weeks as an absolutely fantastic host to his 92 year old father-in-law (my dad), my slightly younger aunt, my sister, my brother and his son, it's a wonder Sharif can still smile. He shares these jokes with us:

Sign in a hospital waiting room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight....
One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.
The More The Success,
The More The Relatives.

When I read about the evils of drinking...
I Gave Up Reading

My grandfather is eighty
and still doesn't need glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

Sign in a bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay In Advance.'

Sign in driving school:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her Way....

Behind every great man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.

The reason men lie is because
Women Ask Too Many Questions.

Getting caught
Is The  Mother Of Invention.

Laugh and the world laughs with you,
Snore And You sleep Alone

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign at a barber's shop:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..

Sign in a restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager

Advertisement in shop:  
Guitar, for sale........ Cheap........ strings attached.

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