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Andrew Aitken "Andy" Rooney (January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011) was an American radio and television writer. Andy Rooney is dead at 92. He will be remembered for the many pithy things he said in his weekly broadcast "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney," a part of the CBS News program 60 Minutes from 1978 to 2011.
Unfortunately, he is also remembered for things he didn't say, though folks on the Internet claim he did.
So, we are not sure about these clever remarks on SEX that Ah Guan of Singapore sent us and attributed to Andy but they are such great laughs:
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
16. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
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