EIGHT THOUGHTS TO PONDER

 Number 8

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6

Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. They can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought 

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers-- What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow

... and as someone recently said to me:

"Don't worry about old age-- It doesn't last that long."

Unemployed Pharmacist Wai Yin shares these thoughts with you

FOUND IN A MEN'S PUBLIC TOILET IN SINGAPORE

Really Singaporean?

Shariff found these poems in a toilet in Singapore.

The first one: 

The ‘future’ is in your hand, hold it gently

Another one... 
Here I perspire in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.  

This one by a budding poet... 
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted  

Then the next guy comes along....  
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!  

Credit: s1.reutersmedia.net

The third guy with some inspiration.....
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.  

The 4th guy....  
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come
here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bullshit on the walls..... 

.... from Singapore's Nanyang Technological University

Then this guy from Singapore Fire Dept .......  

(written high upon the wall) 
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you. 
 

Since the Ministry of Environment owns the toilets they have something to say too..... 
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please  

and on the inside of a toilet door: 
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally a restaurant owner took this aiming issue a step further.....
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Next : To Sit or To Squat, Wai Yin asks.

Endless Possibilities -Inspiration from Israel and ......... Mongolia?

Credit: www.goisrael-conference-and-incentive.com/

                                                                                    

Click HERE if the video don't appear on your screen

Look Malaysians... and Mongolians, who is thumbing his nose at you!

Looks almost like him but it is not him 

This bloke is caucasian-lah*!

*Our apologies to Karl Rove, an American Republican political consultant and policy advisor.

Smoking Helps You Lose Weight

Credit: www.newsmomsneed.marchofdimes.com

After 3 weeks as an absolutely fantastic host to his 92 year old father-in-law (my dad), my slightly younger aunt, my sister, my brother and his son, it's a wonder Sharif can still smile. He shares these jokes with us:

Sign in a hospital waiting room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight....
One Lung At A Time!


On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.
The More The Success,
The More The Relatives. 


When I read about the evils of drinking...
I Gave Up Reading 


My grandfather is eighty
and still doesn't need glasses....
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle. 


Sign in a bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay In Advance.'   


Sign in driving school:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her Way....


Behind every great man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.


The reason men lie is because
Women Ask Too Many Questions.


Getting caught
Is The  Mother Of Invention. 


Laugh and the world laughs with you,
Snore And You sleep Alone


The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us. 


Sign at a barber's shop:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.. 


Sign in a restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager

Advertisement in shop:  

Guitar, for sale........ Cheap........
......no strings attached.