Saturday, April 21, 2012

A Southeast Asian Minister*

While walking down Jalan Belangkas one day a Southeast Asian Minister is tragically hit by a lorry, and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter, “before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We have never had a high official from your part of Asia, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the man.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one day in heaven. After that you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the The Right Honourable [abbreviated as The Rt Hon; also known as Yang Berhormat in Malaysia, but with your understanding ;-) , we’ll stick to Rt Hon]

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules,” says St. Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in their finest. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves in lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the doors re-open on heaven, where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, another 24 hours pass, with the Rt Hon joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp, and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the day is gone, and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Rt Hon reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said this before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I’m better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open, and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The Devil comes over to him, and puts his arm around his shoulder.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the Rt Hon, “Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning, just like they do during a Malaysian election…… Today you have voted.”


Picture credit:
Part of a simulation exercise on crowd control prior to Bersih2  

Still confused with the 1Malaysia slogan that is being splurged all over the country?

Well, there’s 1Malaysia for you in the banner that says “Disperse or We’ll Shoot” in the major languages of the Rakyat, the citizens of Malaysia

It is not written in the language of the millions of Indonesian, Filipino, Bangla, Nepali, Vietnamese, Myamarese, Thai or Kampuchean brought into the country by both licensed and unlicensed human traffickers.

Our soldiers, whose duty is to defend our shores from invasion, are being coached that it is alright to turn their weapons on their own countrymen.

* This non-partisan joke is based on a download from There is a street named Jalan Belangkas in Singapore, as well as in Kg Baru, Kuala Lumpur.  Take your pick. 

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